This is Now

It was a long day apart

and your leavetaking comes too early tomorrow,

before the sun comes even, you will leave

But we are together now

my head against your chest, and your arms around me

I sigh, letting go the day, this is now.

Living with a Pilot: Coming Undone

It's been a hard week and I've come a bit undone. Getting lost in looking down the road.  Anytime I start counting the time that we are apart: 8 months a year, 20 years over a 30 year career.  It devastates me.  I honestly cannot understand how anything, any amount of optimism or putting a positive spin on things can ameliorate the effect of those numbers.  What they mean.  Living our lives apart.  I can't comprehend how he can hear those numbers and not pause.

He just left today around noon, after getting home the night before last around midnight.  In his book, that's three days at home.  Feels more like a day and a half to me.  But I can't say that.  That is being negative.  Five more days away, then two more home.

I'm just really struggling.

So, I haven't been writing. Not even fluffy cooking pieces.  Though I have been cooking.

I've been cooking fall food: soup, chili, roasts, root vegetables.  I made a yummy roasted eggplant salad the other day that I'd never tried before and was quite fond of it. Then there was the Green Chili Pork Stew with lots of fresh jalapenos, cilantro and lime. Even the 12 year-old boy with the "hot" aversion liked it.

I've been cooking pear crisp and giving away pears, and snacking on pears and I still have bags of pears in the garage.  My trees fruited abundantly this year. And I can see I must learn how to prune, for they damaged themselves with the weight of the fruit.

I've been talking about training for a half in early November.  I put together a catch-up training schedule.  I've been seeing a new chiropractor to help with my hip issues but I've only half-heartedly been running.

And I've been trying to live on a budget.  Money freaks me out.  There.  I said it.  I suck at money. So, this budget thing....yeah, we aren't really friends, yet.

I've been going to cross country meets and soccer games.  I've been letting the grass grow way too long in my yard and then, today, I finally cut it.

But, all along, as I go through my days without my partner by my side, I've been feeling low.

Knew this Newark thing was gonna be hard.  But, yep, I'm struggling.  It's a glamorous life this:  living "with" a pilot.

Tulsa, Oklahoma in 4 Hours

Date night started when Rob and his crew arrived.  We caught the shuttle van to the hotel, arriving in downtown Tulsa at around 5pm. Captain Bobbie is a runner, so Rob had already planned that the four of us, would go for a run along the Arkansas River.  Their flight attendant, Ruth, was game, though about as much of a runner as Rob.  We all changed quickly and met back in the lobby.
It's about a ten minute walk to the riverfront bike/running path through some sketchy downtown areas and some nicer old neighborhoods.

The path was shaded in parts, but afforded a nice view of the river.  We passed several park and seating areas, and a riverfront bar as we made our way past one bridge, and turned around at the second. Ruth and Rob walked back while Bobbie and I ran the three mile river path. By the time we made it back to the hotel we were ravenous.

Bobbie led our freshly showered  group on about a mile walk through the blue dome district to the iconic Joe Mommas restaurant. On our way we saw numerous cowboy boot shod folks, and it was hard to discern whether that was simply Oklahoma on display or a result of the Luke Bryan, Florida Georgia Line concert that was in town.  But, it is clearly not JUST a cowboy town, we also passed this: 

And this:

And of course, the historic blue dome. https://www.facebook.com/BlueDomeTulsa Built originally as a gas station on Route 66, the building is oddly out of place, something you'd be more likely to encounter on a hillside city in Greece. 

Joe Mommas is famous for its ghost pepper pizza (The Incinerator) and wings. 

Here we area waiting about 15 minutes for a table.

Rob tried the ghost pepper sauce and was seemingly nonplussed. 

Many of the wood-fired pizzas, which are hand-tossed for your viewing pleasure, feature peppers. We tried Nathan's Unlikely Marriage, an interesting combination of buffalo ranch sauce, buffalo chicken, bacon, roma tomatoes, jalapenos and cheddar cheese.  Our second pizza was called Sweat Heat: Alfredo sauce, bacon, ham, jalapenos and pineapple.   

After dinner, we strolled home through the downtown area that earlier in the evening had hosted a street festival.  We had been so hungry on our way to Joe Mammas that we did not stop to enjoy it.  However, we were able to enjoy the street art undisturbed as we walked home.  Here are a few of my favorites.

Love this little frog!  If I ever get talked into a tattoo, this guy will be part of it.

 

Morning came early, as the crew had a show time of 8am.  I went along to the airport, to work on my airport loitering PR, though the first flight I had any likelihood of getting on did not leave until noon.  But, I got to watch Rob take off.  Here is his plane, preparing to leave.

And here he is taking off for Denver:

And me, watching him fly away:

Between yesterday's travels to get there, and today's to get home, I spent 20 hours in an airport or on a plane.  For 4 hours in Tulsa.  But, you know what?  These crazy date nights that the girls at the office tease me about, they are what make this life just a little easier to handle.  I would do it again, and I probably will.  Wouldn't you?

So Far Away From Me

Rob's shot of Times Square taken at about the same time as my shot below

My blurry photo of the Golden Gate taken concurrent with Rob's above.

I think the first question should be: why is his camera so much better than mine?

On Tuesday of this week, I left for a conference in Napa Valley with one of my fellow midwives.  Rob was between trips in Newark and had so little time off, he did not go home but went into the city instead.  Just after I landed, I texted him this:

Could we be any further apart geographically and still be in the continental U.S.?

His response: (of course he took it as a literal question!) Yes, if you were in San Diego and I was in Portland, Maine. 

Love him! 

But, man this has been a long, tough week.   Challenging and inspiring to be at a conference on Integrative Women's Health.  But, today, as I sit at the airport in Tulsa, OK, finally looking forward to seeing my sweet love after a whole week apart, I feel like I am setting a personal record for time spent loitering in airports.  

Yesterday, I flew as a ticketed passenger, so my travel woes were no different than anyone else's.  I had to leave the conference by shuttle bus at 8am to guarantee I made it to SFO in time for my noon flight.  Long, uncomfortable flight from west to east.  Then I sat in ORD for hours waiting for my 9:20 flight home, which was delayed due to maintenance issues for 2 hours.  As we were finally boarding, I asked the captain if his crew was flying the plane back to ORD in the morning, since I'd be on it.  I was scheduled as a standby passenger at 9:30.  He said yes, but that the flight would very likely have a two hour delay to accommodate the minimum rest requirements of the crew. 

Knowing that a two hour delay would cause me to miss my connection, I decided to play it safe and book myself on the 6:00am  flight.  That meant driving home, unpacking and repacking, climbing into bed for two hours and leaving for the airport again.  Ouch!  I skipped coffee to maximize my sleep time this morning, had a glass of kefir for breakfast, slept on the plane to Chicago, and then found a nice, comfy (Ha!), bench to sleep on for a couple of hours there.  Now, having arrived in Tulsa about 2 hours ahead of Rob, I'm nursing a mild migraine brought on by this airport lifestyle I've been engaging in for the past two days.  He offered to call ahead to the hotel to see if they'd let me check in ahead of him, but there's my airport loitering record to think of.  Once I get through the "getting home" dilemma of tomorrow, I'm sure I will have logged some serious time.

But, soon, he will be here.  And tonight is date night!  Sometimes, when it gets desperate, and Rob has a long overnight somewhere, I will fly to join him for the evening.  This makes those long stretches when we are so far apart, just a little more bearable. 

That's My Pilot

Last month I wrote about how Rob has lost weight over the last 6 months, by eating pre-made meals out of his meal bag when he is on a trip.  

Read about it here:The Airline Diet: Packing His Lunch



I posted some before and after pictures that really did not do him justice.  What I really wanted was a shot of him in uniform.  And I finally got it!

This is my pilot, standing in our kitchen, ready to walk out the door, climb into his truck and head to the airport for a 4 day trip.  Isn't he fine?

Last thing we do before he leaves is a mandatory hug.  Somehow a kiss is just not enough.  But, when he wraps me in his arms and I snuggle into his neck, I'm imprinting that memory of him, the feel of him, the smell of him.  That hug has to last me for 4 or 5 days....Shucks!  I'm blushing now, but that's love for ya!

I'm curious what other people do to make saying goodbye to their loved one just a little easier, when leaving is something they have to do every week.

Voices From Abroad

Rob is off on a four-day trip.

I shouldn't whine, because we are coming off a vacation-like six days together, where we didn't fly anywhere, didn't do anything exotic, just spent time together in our home.  It was wonderful!  More on that later.

But, after having him here for six days, I feel like I'm rattling around this empty house, at loose ends.  To make it worse, I have MY days off this week, right in the middle of HIS trip.  So, I'm off, trying to fill my time so I won't miss him too much.  These kinds of days are the worst possible days for him to be flying out of the country.  He doesn't have an international calling plan.  So, when he flies to Canada or Mexico...we are stuck with texting apps like Google Talk or What's App.

Yesterday, I discovered that What's App's latest version has a voice function.  Not a voice-to-text function.  I hate those.  This is like using voice-mail.

Please don't mention Skype or Face-time.  Zoikes!  I've been leery of that technology since The Jetsons!  No, Thanks!  Rob has a pleasant image of me in his memory, and a few decent snapshots on his phone, let's not subject him to the scary, harsh-lighting, bad-angle close-up that Skype delivers.

So, I was thrilled with the voice capability.  It is better than talking on the phone in terms of clarity.  And there's something about knowing your voice is being recorded, that makes you take time with your words.  I was not even horribly chagrined to listen to my own recorded voice playing back to me, a prospect that is usually too awful to entertain.  But, to hear Rob's voice, crisply and clearly telling me that he loved me, wishing me sweet dreams, and saying goodnight, this was pure joy.  We only played around with it for a few minutes.  Though we were both so excited about it, he needed to get to bed.  His alarm was set for 2:30 a.m. for a painfully early show-time.

Tomorrow, he will be home.  I will hear his dear voice in person.  But, yesterday, when he was so far away that we could not even talk on the phone, I was so very grateful to this simple, free phone app, for making it more bearable.

Base Changes: Unsure what the Future Holds

Rob's company is opening several new airline bases.  This is a good thing, I'm sure, but it opens up a great deal of instability in the short term.  The company must staff the new bases, and they don't have a ready source of new hires, so that staff will come from current pilots who are based elsewhere.

We have been lucky so far.  Rob spent a month based in Newark when he started. He immediately put in a trade request and was able to transfer to Chicago.  This makes our lives so much more liveable.  His commute to work is just one 40 minute flight.  I almost don't remember what Newark was like.  But, I am about to find out:  with the new base openings, he got a transfer to Newark.

Starting next month, Rob will have to have a "crash pad".  Sounds fun, right?  Not so much.  For a fair price, he will rent a bed and use of a kitchen essentially. The official crash pads are run like dorms with strict rules and regs regarding visitors, drinking and cleanliness.  It is my hope that he won't be spending any time there at all, but since he is still flying on reserve, chances are good that he will spend some nights there.  Here's the way it will likely work:  he will fly to Newark the night before he has to work, and sleep at the crash pad.  The next morning, hopefully he will have an assignment and will spend the next 4 days flying, on the last of which he will make his way home...if he gets done early enough to make a flight home.  If he doesn't, that means another night in Newark and flying home on his day off.

We are both hopeful that he will have enough seniority to hold a line in Newark very soon.  This may make the cross-country commute more doable.  He will know what he is flying, and when, instead of being on-call for his work days. He will also be able to drop trips that don't work well with his commuting schedule.  If he's a line holder, he may not have to do as much commuting on his days off.  This means more time at home: something commercial airline pilots hold dear.

I found another great blog about life with a pilot. comebackdaddy.blogspot.com This woman has many more years of experience at this than I do and I'm sure she and her pilot have rolled with lots of major job changes.  Enjoy!

Anyway, I am trying to be optimistic.  We will get through it.